Chances are, you’ve said words to your husband that you wish you hadn’t. Words that slipped out. Words that you regretted. Words that might’ve even hurt him deeply.

In Scripture we are told “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV). In the Contemporary English Version, the last part of that verse reads: “help others by what you say.” In the Message, it reads: “Say only what helps, each word a gift.”

That’s a great guideline for how to talk to our spouses. I’m sure you’ve heard that your husband needs your respect just as much as you need his love. You can convey your respect to him through your gift of words, carefully chosen and lovingly spoken.

After asking my husband – and several other husbands who have been married anywhere from 5-50 years – what phrases would be considered “gifts” from their wives, I came up with this list of the 10 things your husband wishes you would say to him. (By the way, this is the G-rated list. If you want to know his preferred pillow talk, I’ll let you get that list by asking him yourself.)