“Pull over.”

A friend called me at the perfect moment. I was driving home from work, after being unexpectedly ambushed by grief that day.

My overwhelming emotion was especially shocking because it was triggered by something lovely and kind — a coworker surprised me with a gift and some balloons, as a way to celebrate the release of my new children’s book.

Her gesture was so overwhelmingly thoughtful and unexpected…and here’s where the grief snuck up on me…it reminded me of something my best friend, who died from breast cancer last year, would do. I inadvertently burst into tears and left my office sobbing.

That’s when I made the mistake of trying to drive home. Thankfully, that friend called me at the perfect moment. When I answered, obviously fighting back tears, she said, “Okay, stop driving. Pull over. Just sit and cry for a few moments.”

Grief ambushes us. One moment, you’re eating waffles. The next, unbeknownst to you, the scent of the maple syrup reminds you of your lost loved one, or an old memory, or a part of you that still needs healing, and suddenly you’re crying at the breakfast table.

Or, one moment you’re doing the dishes, and the next moment, you find yourself buckled over with sadness, missing the person who used to help you tidy up after dinner.

Grief is shocking in that way. Just when you think you’re moving forward, it tiptoes up on you, striking when you aren’t prepared.

While that does not actually mean you aren’t moving forward — in fact, that’s just the reality of grief and heartache, and the journey of healing — it’s nice to have something to do with all that emotion, especially when it takes you by surprise.

“Pull over.” Those words have stuck with me, representing meaningful advice for any of us in grief and heartache.

Here are six ways we can all “pull over” and honor our pain when it surprises us:

1. Pause for Your Pain

As my friend so wisely said, “Pull over.” When the ambush-y kind of grief comes, it’s typically at an inopportune moment. But allow grief to do its work.

Take a minute, like I did in the car that day, to pull over or pause from whatever you are currently doing, and allow yourself to feel the pain, cry, and even scream if you need to. There’s no shame in that.

There are, of course, moments, when you can’t pause or step away just because grief has decided to sneak in. Maybe you need to tend to a task or a person in front of you.

In that case, it’s perfectly acceptable to allow yourself to compartmentalize, finish what you need to, and “make an appointment” with your grief later.

Set aside a time later that day or week just to cry or look at a picture of your lost person and feel your feelings. Grief appointments are meaningful ways to pause and honor your pain while allowing yourself to tend to real-life demands.

2. Pry

Unexpected overwhelming emotions can be uncomfortable for some people. We tend to want to avoid or ignore that part of us. What if, instead, you showed yourself some compassionate curiosity?

What if you pried into your interior life with a little bit of kindness and interest, “Hey, heart. What’s bringing this up today? What do you need?” When grief sneaks up on us, we tend to think, “Why did this happen? I should be further along than I am! I thought I was doing better!”

The truth is, there is no timeline for grief. You will always carry it with you (though the acute sense of it might dim). When we avoid our pain, rather than pry into it, the emotions stay buried and leak out in unhealthy ways.

Stop to acknowledge your grief with tenderness. Allow yourself to get curious and discover why you feel what you feel. This goes a long way toward healing.

3. Pay Homage

Sometimes grief sneaks in to remind us that it’s time to pause and remember our loved one again or pay attention to our own pain in a meaningful way. If you are surprised by grief suddenly, take a few moments to honor your loved one or your loss in a special way.

Maybe drink their favorite fall latte or read their favorite children’s book. Write them a letter or recite a poem or prayer aloud. Stop by a shared favorite location. Listen to a meaningful song. These are small rituals, but they truly honor our pain and our lost loved ones.

4. Phone a Friend

Okay, so not many people make phone calls anymore. So, no matter how you make connections, honor your pain by reaching out for help. Call a friend. Text a family member. Leave someone you on AM1160 in Chicago. You can preorder her upcoming children’s book, Big Feeling Days: A Book About Hard Things, Heavy Emotions, and Jesus’ Love, and find and follow her @aubsamp on Instagram. Go to aubreysampson.com for more. 

Related podcast:

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

Related video:

If you are currently grieving, here are five prayers for your grieving heart.

Stock Footage & Music Soundstripe.com, Getty Images