A local church in my town once had a BINGO card with squares for the references and speech patterns their pastor often used in her sermons. It included, among other items, authors (Wendell Berry, Frederich Buechner, Anne Lamott), stories from her childhood in Kentucky and referring to the congregation as “y’all.” 

I have been the senior editor at Good Faith Media for just over two months. In that time, I have imagined those closest to me with a similar card, marking off the topics I am bound to write about eventually. 

So far, whether online or in the “Nurturing Faith Journal,” I have already referenced my church, the town I grew up in and the one where I live. I had hoped to save my fandom for Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit for a rainy day, but our 2023 Notable Music article prevented me from doing so. 

There are others I am restraining myself from using until I can give them proper attention. But in the next paragraph, if such a card exists, many people I know will be reaching for their daubers. 

Y’all, it’s time to mark off the Enneagram square. 

Some readers’ hearts are racing with joy, while others’ thumbs are reaching for the escape button. 

The Enneagram was invented in 2018 when Instagram user @proverbs31_enneamama was dreaming up ideas for more clicks. She imagined a personality system where people could be described by numbers. It would allow us to low-key express disdain for those in our lives by referring to “‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ aggressive types.” 

If people didn’t quite fit into her system, it offered ways to account for this by saying, “Well, I guess he’s a 4w5 and not a 4w3 then.” Oh, and people could be another number if they were stressed, and still another if things were going well for them. 

Even though the system didn’t allow us to stereotype our friends or fictional characters, its creator winked and shrugged it off if we did. The Enneagram took off and @proverbs31_enneamama has been a worldwide sensation and Instagram influencer ever since. 

And this is why about half the readers who began reading this three minutes ago are no longer here with us. The Enneagram can be annoying. Or, rather, those of us who are really into it can be annoying. 

The problem with @proverbs31_enneamama, aside from the fact that I made her up, is that she has taken something rooted in deep, ancient wisdom and made it a little too cute. We’ve done similar things with Jesus, creating entire industries and capitalist endeavors to profit off the life of the Son of God. We’ve reduced his life-altering message to a quip that can fit on a t-shirt or bracelet. 

I have been guilty of treating both Jesus and the Enneagram this way. 

While I am still figuring out more healthy and life-giving ways to talk about Jesus, I have learned there’s really nothing I can say about the Enneagram that I can’t say without talking about the Enneagram. 

Humans have three tools at our disposal to receive and process information– thinking, feeling and doing. Or, to put it another way, we can use our heads (thinking), hearts (feeling) and guts/bodies (doing) to exist in the world. Virtually everyone has access to all three of these “centers of intelligence.” 

For everyone, one of those three comes easier than the others, a second supports the first, and the third is more difficult to access. And then there are some weirdos where the one that comes easiest is also the one that is often repressed. (Full disclosure: I am one of those weirdos.) 

Whew. I just wrote two paragraphs about the Enenagram without writing about the Enneagram. 

Here’s one of the most important things to know about the Enneagram: The vast majority of people in human history who have lived virtuous lives, those who have leaned most fully into who God created them to be, knew absolutely nothing about the Enneagram. Unfortunately, you can no longer be one of those people, because now you know a little about it. (Unless you skipped directly to this paragraph, in which case you are probably a 3, 7 or 8.) 

For those who attempt to follow along the Jesus way, there are so many tools available for our spiritual formation. The Enneagram is an incredible one, but it’s just one. 

May we all find the one that works best for us and for the good of the worlds we inhabit.