Everything that happens in life is under God’s sovereign rule and will have eternal ramifications. Whether it is sickness, suffering, or seemingly pointless pursuits, recognize that God has brought you through it all to mold and shape you into the person you are today and the person you are becoming. Christians are promised that all that comes our way will make us more like Jesus (Rom. 8:28-30). So don’t look on your past with disdain, disapproval, or despair. Reflect on it and consider how God has grown and prepared you for where you are today.
The sentiment “If only I had known then what I know now” permeates the human experience. Time and again, in counseling and in general conversation, I hear some variation of the theme of regret over one’s past. This is not referring to particular regrets but a general regret that one’s past was wasted, damaged, or a complete loss. The comments tend to fall into one of three broad categories: regret that sin tainted one’s past, that suffering stole all or a significant portion of one’s past, or that one’s past was wasted in some other way. Without dismissing the real experiences of life, we need to encourage one another to redeem our pasts, not regret them.
Before diving into each of the three categories above, I want to lay some groundwork that is broadly applicable to the life of every Christian. First, we are influenced by our past, but our past does not determine or define us. Second, God is in the habit of creating beauty from ashes, He builds towers from trash heaps. He is the God of redemption. No person’s past cannot be redeemed. Third, God is sovereign, even over our past. There is nothing from our past that He did not know about or plan. Nothing happens to us by accident. God uses everything in the lives of believers on purpose, for a purpose. This is not always easy to see, believe, or feel, but it is true. The truth of God’s sovereignty gives hope for those regretting their past and is the bedrock on which redemption is possible.
Regret Over a Sinful Past
The most prominent category of regret I encounter in the counseling room is people who feel like their past was ruined or wasted by their sin. Scripture does call us to weep and mourn over our sin (James 4:7-10). But we should not be overwhelmed by shame over our past sin, no matter how deep it was or how long we were steeped in it. The same passage in James calls us to action regarding our sin. We are instructed to weep and mourn our sin, turn away from it, resist Satan, humble ourselves, and draw near to God. The end result is that God will exult us. He lifts us up; He doesn’t cast us down or leave us downcast.
Think about all the examples of people in Scripture who committed heinous sins or spent large amounts of their lives in sinful pursuits: David committed sexual sin and murder (2 Sam. 11). Paul stood by and affirmed the martyrdom of Christians (Acts 22:20). Peter denied Jesus and after being restored went on to forsake the gospel before being confronted by Paul (Matt. 26:69-75; Luke 22:55-62; Mark 14:66-72; John 18:16-27; Gal. 2:11-14). Rahab made her living as a prostitute (Josh. 2). The Samaritan woman at the well had a string of broken marriages and was living in sexual sin when Jesus met her (John 4:1-42).
These people could have considered themselves unworthy of God—useless for work in His Kingdom. But God redeems each one’s entire life. He adds them to His family—in some cases (Rahab and David), directly in line to His only begotten Son (Matt. 1:5-6). He restores some to leadership in ministry. He used all of them to bring Him glory.
Regret Over a Past of Suffering
Some look back on their lives and feel like significant portions have been robbed by suffering. For some, this took the shape of severe physical suffering. Disease and disability can consume a person’s life for years, sapping up all time, energy, thoughts, and resources. It can leave them asking, “What was the point, God? I could have done so much more for you if I were healthy!”