I was ordained on Pentecost Sunday this year, sharing my testimony with my friends, church, and family. When I recall everything, I remember and feel the hard work and commitment. I remember the initial excitement, uncertainty, and finally, understanding. 

A finished story allows us to see the bigger picture. When we are in the struggle, we don’t get this perspective.

My journey began with a dream. One day, when I was twelve years old, I realized I wanted to be a pastor.

When someone told me I could not due to my gender, I was confused. I didn’t know how to process it. 

A church my family attended explained their beliefs on female submission and men alone being in ministry. This meant, as a young child, my dreams were about to be crushed.

However, something kept me going. The beliefs about women in ministry just felt “off.” Even in the uncertainty, I promised God I would go into ministry if he kept the doors open.

After a while, the original inspiration and excitement were gone. I had to really commit if my dream was going to happen. It took trust in something higher than myself and not the world around me.

I didn’t have a logical answer, but I had a knowing that surpassed all understanding.

In the unknown, I learned to believe in myself. I followed my dream into reality. 

I studied and memorized the Bible like the back of my hand. I read every theological book I could get my hands on. I kept a promise to myself and God.

It was not until my undergraduate studies at Campbell University, about six years later, that my calling was confirmed. I learned women are called into ministry and the truth that I was offered from the churches I grew up in was a very limited perspective.

God does call women into ministry! Feminist theology and seeing how Jesus interacted with women further empowered me.

I found meaning in my own experience and saw who God made me to be. I learned what building the kingdom of God really meant and became the minister a twelve-year-old girl dreamed she could be.

Reflecting back on my own ordination, I think there’s something not talked about when achieving dreams or goals. We do it scared, unmotivated, or frustrated.

Achieving something or changing something about yourself is not sunshine and rainbows. Most of the time, it is hard work in the unknown.

We step out into pathways we have never imagined before. After the excitement wears off, doubt sinks in, and we feel the fear of change. 

Or after a while with little results, we get frustrated and walk away. Motivation is gone, so why care anymore?

The stories throughout the Bible include this. Ruth took a chance to seek out Boaz. The prophets of the Old Testament preached on repentance and judgment. Jesus announced the good news.

Every single one of them started with the inspiration to speak or act. Sometimes, people were given the situation, like the prophets, or others had to create their own, like Ruth and Jesus.

I would argue every single one went through the inspiration process. They started out with an idea or conviction. To take this into reality, they began thinking of action, questioning themselves on the practicality of how to get there.

They asked questions on what are the risks involved, who they were working with, and what they needed to do to get there.

Then, doubt arises. Changing or pursuing something is always in the unknown. In hindsight, it all looks great but real dreams are scary.

Our brains hate it. We are wired to push back against change. Feelings of resistance and frustration can arise as well.

Here’s my advice. Do it scared. Do it frustrated. Do it unmotivated. 

Feelings come and go, but real dedication will never leave you.

Self-help books tell you it should always feel “right” or “good.” That’s completely wrong. If the Spirit is calling you somewhere, it takes real commitment through the difficulties and growing process. 

I’ll use the classical example. If you have ever worked out or started exercising, you feel terrible. Your muscles hurt and ache. It’s hard to keep going. However, over time, your muscles start to strengthen, and eventually, the work can be almost effortless.

The same goes for learning new skills or achieving something. As you stretch your spiritual, emotional, or mental muscles, you grow stronger and closer to your goal. Our brains create pathways due to repetitive tasks and movements– basically, “muscle memory.” 

There will be times when we want to give up or step away due to fear or frustration. If we truly want something, we should expect the full range of emotions.

Ruth probably felt scared or frustrated working in the field until being recognized by Boaz. 

The prophets declared messages to an unwilling Israel. They felt anger and loneliness. They were sometimes ostracized by the people and targeted by kings. 

Jesus preached the good news until he was heard and had crowds following him. He faced fear for his life by those with power, both Roman authorities and Jewish leaders.

Times will get hard as you develop “muscles.” One day you will look back at full strength, admiring everything you accomplished.

If you really want something, you must go after it. Follow your dream into reality with expectations of risks and difficulties.