I certainly know that not all elders are qualified or godly. Vote out bad, unqualified elders. After reading this book and its sexist claims against godly elders, re-read the qualifications for elders and see if any of those are reflected in the disdain elders are treated with in Alongside Care. What is the denomination thinking? Are we wiser than God? More loving than he is? Do we love women better than God does? This book seems to think so.
A Review of the PCA’s Alongside Care, (Lawrenceville, Georgia: PCA Committee on Discipleship Ministries, 2024, $14.99).
Early in my marriage about 45 years ago, my husband and I were in a large liberalizing church where one of his responsibilities was to teach the Bible moderators—the Bible teachers for the many women’s circles which that church had. As often happens, bad teaching seems to seep in through materials marketed for women. As the PCUS wandered further from Scripture, their women’s studies were leading the way in liberalism. Having grown up in the Catholic church, I’d seen that shift but didn’t quite understand it in light of Presbyterianism. My husband gave me a great task of going through the denomination’s women’s studies with a fine-toothed comb and more importantly, with Scripture opened to each and every passage. This long-ago skill came in handy with Alongside Care. To riff on Abigail Shrier’s new title, there is much bad therapy here.
The recent PCA book, Alongside Care, is yet another subtle attempt to show why God probably wasn’t having his best day ever when he gave us the blueprint for how his church is to be governed and nurtured. Alongside Care pays lip service, almost as if AI-generated, to the idea that, yes, God placed ordained men to be elders and to lead his church—it’s just that they aren’t constituted to do it very well. Page after page follows with underminings of God’s order, advocating a handy replacement division of elite women who will handle the really vital things for the Session, since elders are so busy traveling and working and commuting and having families and basically becoming a hindrance to the church.
Further, along with its degrading of elders, Alongside Care suffers from its dueling tendencies to both try to infantilize some women and simultaneously turn the influencers, the leaders, into the female Illuminati they think the church needs.
The qualifications for elders are quite clear and seldom, if ever, referenced in this book. They are to be: above reproach, husband of one wife, sober minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, gentle, a good manager of his own family, and a lover of good. An elder is not to be a drunkard, or violent, or quarrelsome, or a lover of money, or quick-tempered.
Listen, first, to how qualified ordained elders are described in Alongside Care and how I hear those with my emphases, comments, and questions added at points.
- “The burden of oversight can be heavy, and many ordained leaders feel inadequate to address some issues involving women. . . . For some, the nuanced emotional issues seem overwhelming. For others, the ability to communicate carefully amidst unequal power dynamics is particularly difficult.” (p. 45)
Yes, oversight of the flock of God is demanding work for sure. Question: Is that not exactly the work that elders are called to do?
- “Elders are God’s ordained shepherds to care for his people. Part of their task is to recognize how God provides “necessary allies” among the women of the congregation to help them in their shepherding responsibilities.” (p. 48)
Question: When was this task assigned to elders? Don’t most of the elders have wives to help them? Shouldn’t all women be allies in their churches?
- “Wise elders recognize the relational acumen of women and seek help to present biblical instruction in a way that nurtures relational connection and trust.” (p. 49)
Titus 1:9 says the elder must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught so that he may give instruction in sound doctrine and rebuke those who contradict it. Question: Why do elders now need female Illuminati to show them how they are allowed to teach or nurture? Why do they suddenly need help instructing? That is their actual calling.
- “The elder can work with a female caregiver to tailor a biblical message that accurately addresses the need.” (p. 50)
Hmmm, question: Why is that God’s word needs to be “tailored” for women? Do we have a different gospel for different genders? And if an elder needs a female caregiver, shouldn’t she be his wife? (See recent scandals where pastors and female caregivers have been arrested for, ahem, park passion).
- In many congregations the ordained leadership is comprised of “men who struggle to fulfill the responsibilities of businessman, father, and elder.” “Frequent travel and even more frequent meetings hinder an elder from cultivating deep relationships with members of the congregation.” (p. 50)
Isn’t it presupposed that one qualified to be an elder has a family and a job? Actually, elders do have deep relationships. In a recent ten-day period in our church, here are things—without even consulting this manual—that I saw elders do: worked in nursery, helped in the kitchen, taught the youth group, drove that same youth group to the airport at 5:30 AM, celebrated at graduation parties, taught in childrens’ ministry, hosted dinners in their homes, visited the hospital, taught Sunday School, met visitors, attended prayer meetings, took meals to families in need, washed dishes after a funeral, and had lunch for their shepherding groups after church—and there’s more that I don’t even see. Hardly, the insensitive, non-relational elders caricatured in this book.
- “Limited opportunities for significant conversation affect the quality of pastoral care and oversight.” (p. 50)
Do women have unlimited opportunities for significant conversations, and can I be in that group? How do fewer words, if true, restrict pastoral care?
- “When ordained leaders make a decision, they often prefer to focus more on proclaiming than persuading.” (p. 51)
Question: Do people not understand decisions or do they not like them? There’s a difference.
- “Rather than get the word out and solve problems when they arise, elders should consult with [ed., Wait for it] tried and trusted leaders who can help shape communication.” (p. 51)
Question: Why aren’t elders considered tried and trusted leaders? Where in Scripture or creed are elders told to run everything by women consultants?
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Now listen to how ordinary, unordained women just like me are described. Spoiler alert: we are totally amazing, some might say superior!!
- Women are “especially equipped” to help other women live out their callings as women. “We know what it is like to be a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. We understand the unique challenges, longings, and heart issues women bear.” “The caregiver listens to the woman’s heart.” (p. 16)
First, you don’t have to understand someone’s inner thoughts to love them. Understanding is never a prerequisite for loving any person. If it were, babies would be abandoned at birth; toddlers would spend their lives watching Bluey; there would be no marriages nor friendships. Even the Apostle Paul admits that he doesn’t understand why he acts as he does (Rom. 7). Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?” I guess the Illuminati Care givers can, if the book is to be believed. Where are normal friendships?
- Alongside Care is designed “to serve the Session, helping them in their calling to shepherd God’s people.” “No man understands experientially how it feels to be a wife, to have a menstrual cycle, to have a baby, or to go through menopause.” (p. 17)
What a ridiculous sentence! Women actually discuss menstrual cycles and menopause very little. Could anything be less fascinating? Well, watching paint dry, maybe. Now, the hidden feminism of these ideas is showing itself. Since no man knows “experientially” about menstrual cycles, childbirth, or menopause, clearly, we incredible ladies probably cannot even be shepherded by men. Should we lesbianize the church to be better understood?
- Alongside Care is a “resource to the ordained elders in the church.” (p. 19)
Why didn’t God himself even hint about this fabulous resource?
- “Alongside Care is not biblical counseling.” (p. 18) “A caregiver provides biblical counseling.” (p. 21)
Choose one, either one, which is it?!
- “If the woman feels she is in crisis, she is.” (p. 23)
Honestly, has there been a more laughable sentence? Does this mean: If a girl feels she is a boy, she is? If a toddler feels she is a unicorn, she is? If a wife feels she needs a side-hustle boyfriend, she does? For the record, most women would not fall for the line “If the woman feels she is in crisis, she is.” Discernment is a quite useful gift. Alongside Care would surely have benefitted from some.