3. Stop Being an Emotional Knee-Jerk Reactor

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Parents are triggered by the mere fact their kid is a teenager. A lot of it is fear that creates this triggered response. So, when your teenager does something you’re not a fan of, or they ask for something you’re totally against, instead of responding rationally and with a conversation, we react. Reactions create emotional tension, and emotional tension creates familial nuclear wars. It just does!

Teenagers are already primed emotionally. When a parent becomes emotionally primed and ready to go off, then it’s an explosion waiting to happen. This results in yelling, arguments, and often that closed door in your face.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have emotions as a parent. You can! But this means it’s your time to engage in emotional maturity. Step back. Breathe if you need to. Put some distance between you and the situation and let your teen know you need to “think about it” for a bit. A teenager may still not appreciate your answer, but they will appreciate that you didn’t just react.

Reacting negatively and impulsively will break down trust. It will lead to your child refusing to talk to you, confide in you, and ask you questions. They simply won’t trust that they’re not kicking a hornet’s nest. And who wants to kick a hornet’s nest?

But if they learn they can come to you and, though they may not get the response they want, they also don’t get a volatile reaction that sends them running to their room, it’s more likely that they’ll come to you!

Okay, so this is high-level stuff. I get that. But your teenager needs to know they can trust you. That you aren’t going to try to come down to their level and won’t gloss over what they’re saying, and, finally, that you’re not going to react emotionally.

In short, what our teenagers from us are what we want from them. Consideration, appreciation, validation, and respect. Engaging in these? You’ll have that bedroom open a crack—and maybe more.