All married couples are going to fight—after all, you’re two separate people coming together as one flesh. Of course, there will be disagreements and various points of view on how to do things. But if your disagreements are more fights than arguments, and if fighting is more normal than not fighting, this is a sure sign your marriage needs to change.

Colossians 3:12-15 says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”

These verses aren’t directly referring to marriage, but how much more so are we to treat our spouse this way? The next time you find yourself in a pattern of arguments with your mate, ask the Lord to help you be compassionate, kind, and humble. Ask the Holy Spirit to grant you the ability to forgive as you’ve been forgiven, and to bring harmony to your marriage. Praying Scripture is a powerful tool we possess as believers!

2. You never fight.

One might think not fighting is good sign, but couples who never argue are unhealthy in a different way than couples who argue all the time. Because people are obviously different, there is bound to be disagreement. If you never disagree or argue, it could mean someone in the relationship isn’t being honest and is constantly suppressing their true thoughts or feelings. This usually leads to a build up of resentment and anger that could erupt later in your marriage. The goal is to find a way to argue in a loving, godly, spouse-honoring manner that resolves the issue, rather than letting it develop into a full-blown fight or negative pattern.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff