My counsel to those who are young and considering marriage or those who are just entering into marriage is this: Your marriage will inevitably come under attack. It will face many concerted onslaughts. And while it is good to be aware of the enemies that will approach from outside, you would be remiss to ignore the enemies that already exist on the inside—the enemies that lurk with your own heart, your own mind, your own longings and desires.
Marriage brings us many joys. But since it exists in this world and not some other, it also brings its share of sorrows. It is like everything else in that way—there are times we marvel at its beauties and times we lament its difficulties. A divine gift that was meant to be only good is now attended with sore struggles and many griefs.
When Aileen and I were about to be married, we were told to ready ourselves to face those three most common sources of marital discord: money, sex, and in-laws. Yet as time has gone by and as our marriage has matured, I have learned there are foes far more insidious than these—foes that creep up on me in quiet moments and lurk around me on hard days, that are on my mind as I pray for my marriage and on my heart as I confess my shortcomings.
The greatest challenges to my marriage haven’t come from without but from within. The greatest discouragements haven’t stemmed from circumstances but from character. The greatest difficulties haven’t arisen from other people but from myself. I have learned that the greatest enemies of my marriage are the unholy trinity of me, myself, and I. When I consider my marriage with honesty and with whatever humility I can muster up, I have to admit that it’s me.
Sure, our relationships with our parents have been challenging from time to time, but not nearly as challenging as the reality that I have grown so much less than I would have thought, would have hoped, and have even intended. Money has often brought opportunities to bicker and disagree, but not nearly as many as my own gracelessness and short-temperedness.