“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4 BSB)

Your spouse was madly in love with you alright, but that’s not the only reason they agreed to marry you. There was more.

They had a set of emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and you, out of several other people, convinced them that you could meet their needs down to a T. What’s interesting about these needs is that their needs may be polar opposite from yours and therefore prioritized differently.

As such, each spouse may be outdoing themselves meeting the needs they prioritize but unfortunately fail to float their partner’s boat. Sadly, a lot of couples haven’t the slightest idea on how to meet their spouse’s needs and that becomes a loophole for the enemy.

Imagine if you emptied your savings to buy a car only to discover that it was faulty from the get-go. It keeps stalling on the road and ends up costing you an arm and a leg to have it repaired. Such an experience would undoubtedly make you regret having purchased that car. You would feel duped.

In the same way, when we don’t meet our spouse’s needs, they feel shortchanged. They walked into marriage hoping to have their needs met only to languish in disappointment.

In his book His Needs, Her Needs author and marriage counselor, Willard F. Harley, Jr. lists men’s top five basic needs. He observes that they are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. He on the other hand details a woman’s top five basic needs as affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and family commitment.

Willard further observes that one way of affair-proofing a marriage is seeking to know your partner’s top priority needs and meeting them. Spouses who live with unfulfilled needs are more prone to forging unhealthy relationships with other people which can lead to affairs/infidelity.

If you are at a loss for what your partner’s needs are, the best way to find out is to ask them. By seeking to meet their needs, you are fortifying your marriage against the enemy.

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Kyle Bearden