In Matthew 7, Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (verses 1-2, NIV). 

The original Greek word our Bibles translate as “judge” has the connotation of condemning or separating. Therefore, in essence, Jesus is telling us not to cut someone else off when they sin or offend us. That’s not love, and such actions distort the image of Christ in us. Plus, it’s hypocritical, because while we might not have sinned in the same way as our spouse, we’re equally flawed and in need of grace. 

The problem is, when we’re upset, our view becomes distorted. As we focus on the current issue, it quickly becomes all we can see. We forget that we’re just as selfish, prideful, or callus as our spouse and therefore step into the role of judge—condemner—rather than partner and friend.

That’s why Jesus commands us to self-evaluate.  “Why do you look at the spec of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” He said, in the same passage. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5, NIV).

In other words, we need to address our own sinful tendencies and prayerfully consider how we’ve contributed to the conflict before we attempt to confront our spouse. In discussing Matthew 7, David Guzik from the Enduring Word reminds us that “the one with the plank in his own eye would not immediately be aware of it. He is blind to his obvious fault.”

But be assured, that fault exists. Notice, Jesus didn’t say, “Before you look at your husband’s speck, check to see if you have a plank.” The plank is there, and it distorts our vision. If we don’t see it, we’ve either lost sight of or haven’t fully grasped our need for God’s grace. This spiritual forgetfulness often initiates pride, and pride hurts others, destroys relationships, and leads to isolation.

The solution? Take time to remember the price Jesus paid on the cross—for you and your spouse. That’s what your sin, the full weight of your plank, cost Him. Sit in that realization for a moment. When overwhelming gratitude of knowing you’re forgiven and have been reconciled to the Father washes over you, then you are ready to address your spouse’s speck.

Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Antonio Diaz