When our minds, bodies, and souls are under duress, we cannot give our kids what they need from us. We have to do the work to heal from our own trauma or it will be passed down to our children. This includes taking steps to break from addictions that can make us unsafe and unengaged as parents. Doing all we can to ensure the health of our minds and bodies is not selfish; it’s a great way to protect our kids from those scary parts of ourselves. 

This can look like, but is not limited to the following: finding the proper medications to manage your mental health, investing in therapy, potentially agreeing to in-patient or outpatient mental health treatment or substance abuse programs, enlisting the help of mentors, creating a strong village that can support you and keep you accountable as a parents. Some other ideas include:   taking time to find ways to regulate your body. Walking, yoga, deep breathing, acupuncture, chiropractic care, sleep support, regular exercise, and nutrition can transform how your body responds to the stress of parenthood. 

About two and a half years ago, we said yes to a pre-adoptive foster care placement of a 2-year-old girl. She was perfectly adorable and had been through more tough things than I could ever imagine experiencing at such a young age. 

We fell in love fast, but about a year in, I found myself shutting down as a mother. The stress of growing our family this way and supporting her through her healing was taking a toll. Thankfully, I saw the signs of burnout and began to pursue my own well-being more aggressively so I could show up for my family how they needed me to. 

Sometimes it’s our history or addictions that hold us back, and other times it’s stress that we say ‘yes’ to that requires more than we have on our own to give. Whatever our story, when we see ourselves shutting down as parents or escaping from our world through substance abuse, we must do the work so we can healthily re-engage with our families.

Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/ Adrian Swancar