The ancient Greeks, who I’ve been told were pretty smart didn’t just toss around “I love you,” like we do today. No, they had a system, integrating wisdom from multiple cultures into their teaching and lifestyles. Instead of one generic love they broke it down into eight distinct types: agape, eros, ludus, mania, philautia, philia, pragma, and storge. These categories have been explored across philosophical, psychological, and spiritual teachings for centuries.

The next time someone says, “I love you,” take a second. Which love are they talking about? Is it unconditional? Passionate? Playful? Friendly? Commitment- driven? Because trust me, it matters.

Agape is often the type of love expressed in spiritual contexts as an unconditional love. Think about the term unconditional for a moment. Break it down—un means “not,” and condition refers to circumstances. So agape? That’s love that exists no matter what. This is the type of love that is an essential challenge for us to master in every type of relationship, not just romantic ones.

Eros, in Greek mythology, isn’t just a type of love but also the god of love, lust, and desire. Also known as erotic love, eros is quite often misunderstood and miscategorized as the least important type of love. Experience it too soon and it becomes the sandy, unstable foundation we’re often warned against building on. If you allow eros to be the primary driving force of your relationship, it will likely be short-lived, with a lack of structure to support you and a lack of tools to help you rebuild when life’s blows hit hard. But ignoring eros after establishing a sound foundation and structure is like neglecting the maintenance of a home. Over time the peeling paint, creaking floors, or leaky roof will cause decline and deterioration. With cracks in physical and emotional areas, the relationship, much like that worn-down house, will become unappealing and eventually uninhabitable. The key to eros? Don’t jump into it too soon. But once it’s time, keep it alive—intentionally and consistently.

The Greeks defined ludus as a playful, flirtatious, lighthearted type of love. Now, the Greeks also threw in “without long-term commitment,” but let’s talk about that. Through my own journey in love, I’ve realized that ludus isn’t just for dating; it’s actually a key ingredient in lasting marriages. In the early stages of a relationship, having fun and simply getting to know each other—without the weight of “Is this the one?”—can be incredibly valuable. Too often, people meet someone and immediately start expecting husband or wife behavior before the relationship has even found its rhythm. Instead, focus on enjoying each other’s company, learning how you interact, and building a foundation from there.

Alright, let’s talk about mania love. This one? Whew. It’s intense, obsessive, and pretty often . . . unhealthy. You’ve seen it in movies—sometimes real life—where love spirals out of control and turns downright destructive. But mania love isn’t always a horror story. Sometimes it’s just a deep longing that gets lost heading in the wrong direction.

Philautia is all about self-love. The Golden Rule—“Treat others as you would like to be treated”—shows up across multiple ideologies and religions. But what happens if you don’t know how you want to be treated? Or if you fail to prioritize loving yourself first? Subconsciously, you’ll navigate life like a house with no frame or support beams. It might look good from the outside, but step inside, and everything is shaky. The weight of life starts pressing down, cracks form, things shift out of place, and eventually, the whole thing collapses. When you’re solid, you can show up for others the right way and with the longevity to actually make a difference.

Philia is that deep, affectionate love—the kind that fuels real friendships and meaningful bonds. When I think of philia, I think of words like philanthropy—the kind of love that isn’t just about feelings but about action. It moves us past just caring into actually showing up, sharing what we have, and making a difference. Philia is about being drawn to people—forming deep bonds built on trust, loyalty, and a genuine connection. Philia is what keeps friendships solid. It’s the kind of love that makes people feel seen and understood. It’s steady. Unshakable. Unlike romance, which can come and go with seasons, philia creates a foundation that lasts. Whether it’s between friends, family, or even something that eventually grows into romance, this kind of love lays the groundwork.

Pragma is a mature, enduring, and practical love that develops over time as commitment to shared goals deepens. We often hear about the tension couples experience regarding submission. The traditional perspective that a woman should submit to a man often faces modern pushback. Why is this considered so taboo? It’s because we often ignore the biblical directive to submit to one another. Additionally, we fail to grasp what healthy submission looks like, and our minds default to examples of authority being mishandled or abused. True submission must begin with a heart posture that understands how authority should be enacted and shared within a household.

Last but not least, let’s explore storge (familial love). This is the type of love that bonds families together through generations. Storge is unique because it’s rooted in who someone is, not in what they can do or offer. Storge isn’t about achievements, status, or what someone can do for you. It just is. Period. It reminds us of the power of acceptance, patience, and unwavering support, offering a foundation that sustains us through life’s challenges and celebrates us through its joys.

After sitting at the feet of the Greeks, notebook in hand, you see it now. Love isn’t just saying the words and waiting to hear them back. It’s important to understand the intention and meaning behind the concept. As we unlearn, tear down, and rebuild our understanding of love, we start rethinking those three little words. Maybe we don’t need to say them all the time. Maybe it’s the actions, not the words, that really matter. Rather than be parakeets of love, let’s be eagles of invention. No mimicry, just a true and full understanding of the experience of love being shared.

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Adapted from Student of Love: Your Guide to Discover, Uncover, and Recover Healthy Relationships by Laterras R. Whitfield. Copyright ©2026 by Laterras R. Whitfield. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.