A new Barna study names the relational reality for many pastors. While most respondents report strong marriages, naming their spouse as their best friend (76%), “The Relationships of Today’s Pastors” finds a gap in their support systems, namely, meaningful friendships outside of church. Only 1 in 3 pastors surveyed report having a close friend outside of a religious setting.

“This is a role that’s high on stress and responsibility—and yet can be quite isolating,” David Kinnaman, Barna CEO, said. “Pastors often feel the strain of having to lead people spiritually, while also creating a kind of trusted network of friendships outside of the people they lead.”

Still, more than half (52%) of U.S. pastors polled say they seek no outside support for relationships or personal development. When asked if they currently use the services of a marriage counselor, life coach, professional counselor, therapist, spiritual advisor, or personal mentor, the numbers show this support is not a priority for these pastors. 

Of the services suggested, the use of a personal mentor ranked highest for  22% of respondents. This is compared to only 3% who say they use the services of a marriage counselor. Leadership development (57%) was preferred over resources related to relationships (28%).

“This research invites churches—and churchgoers—to approach their leaders with empathy, support and practical care,” Kinnaman offered. “It’s not just about celebrating pastors. It’s about seeing them—acknowledging that they carry real burdens in their relationships and finding ways to support them in becoming whole and healthy.”

This research is based on work from the Harvard Center for Human Flourishing and measured the pastor’s well-being in five areas: relationships, well-being, finances, vocation and faith. You can read more of this report here.