Parents may attempt to strategize about solutions and action plans based on their limited personal wisdom. If you feel you’re not ready for a small group of other parents, at least consider speaking to a trustworthy church leader who can pray for and with you and offer an outside voice of wisdom. If this is not available, consider speaking to a counselor who is (and this is essential) committed to the authority of Scripture. You need the wisdom of Christ for your ongoing situation. The Gospels, especially, can be a guide and encouragement. Jesus routinely stepped into difficult and messy situations with people. He was often misunderstood, and his motives were questioned. He was continuously challenged by those around him yet mirrored the Father’s truth and love to the hurting and wounded.
When a 14-year-old daughter adopts a non-binary identity or a 22-year-old son comes out as gay and invites you to his wedding, most parents will say they never envisioned journeying with an LGBTQ+-identified child in their family.
Though more Christian families than ever are struggling through scenarios like these, many don’t have the resources to deal with it; they feel hidden within our churches. I’ve found that most parents don’t talk to their pastors or others, instead trying to handle it on their own. And, unfortunately, not many churches are skilled at offering “permission-giving messages” from up front to inform struggling parents that church leadership cares about their situation and wants to hear from them.
You Didn’t Sign Up for This
What keeps parents of LGBTQ+-identified kids hidden and silent? It may be that absent voice of help and care from the church. But it can also be a host of other things. Parents struggle with fear (what does this mean for our family?), shame (what did we do wrong?), embarrassment (what if someone finds out?), grief (our dreams for our child are over), anger (how could our child do this to our family?), and pride (what would people think about us as parents if they knew?).
How can we deal with these human—but sometimes crippling—realities that keep us from getting help?
Six Supports for Parents Journeying with LGBTQ+-Identified Kids
1. Tools for the journey
Parents have shared with me that journeying with LGBTQ+-identified kids is like being in a desert with few roadmaps telling them what to do and where to go. The challenges, heartaches, and dilemmas they face seem overwhelming and endless.
While it’s true that a parent can’t possibly know how to respond to every challenge, it’s possible to have some tools under your belt to face these situations with your child and respond redemptively.
The free Harvest USA curriculum, Shattered Dreams, New Hope: First Aid for Parents Whose Son or Daughter Has Embraced an LGBTQ+ Identity, is a great place to start. You must be grounded in the Bible to know how to respond and care for your child. Even though you may differ with your child about Scripture and its authority regarding sexuality and gender, God’s Word will be an oasis and a guide for you in this desert.
2. The companionship of others who ‘get it’
Many parents, especially early on, don’t want to bring anyone else into their situation. But when you do, it’s a freeing and comforting step.