My mental health professional speaks in terms of a “reset” or “reboot.” In other words, “Let’s turn it off and in a bit, turn it back on and see what happens.” 

That idea regarding my mental and emotional state elicits a chuckle. Alas, some part of me still has a sense of humor, which perhaps has been my salvation.

Foregoing the details, an accumulation of life events and their accompanying stressors triggered my mental health conditions: Depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly Multiple Personality Disorder). After nearly three decades of relative stability, I was again in a battle for sanity and my life. 

The battle was chaotic—a child huddled and cowering in fear one moment to uncontrollable, perhaps maniacal, laughing to frenzied exasperation. The varied, constant chatter in my head and the erratic, sometimes unexplainable, behavior was maddening. Perhaps just as maddening were the times of calm and my reasonable, sane presence. 

As I told the psychiatrist in the emergency room, “I am okay until I am not.” He concurred, “Yes, you were in considerable distress earlier.” 

In times of clarity, the undeniable fact that I was in a PTSD and DID crisis after being symptom-free for years was exasperating, and that exasperation was matched by the fact that I could not seem to pull myself together and get out of it. 

Now, three months after the onset of symptoms, with antidepressants in my system and a dozen or so counseling sessions in the mix, I am beginning to feel more settled. 

Mental health struggles are real—not only for me but millions of others. Perhaps for some of you.

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