I have a new grandchild. He is the first for my daughter and her husband, who live a two-hour flight from my husband and myself. At this writing, I am sitting in my daughter’s living room with an electronic baby monitor, watching my grandson sleep. My daughter is a freelance producer, and her husband is a law student. The back-to-real life that almost always comes too soon for first-time parents happened very quickly for this new little family of three, as daddy headed to the daily law classes and mama counted off the short days until she would return to being the sole provider for their household. Grandparents, aunties, and close friends have all banded together so that our little loved one can stay at home while mama works for these first months of his life. It is a privilege and an honor to be a member of the “nanny” team, and I wholeheartedly subscribe to the proverbial saying, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged.” 

My husband and I have seven adult children. Four of whom have children of their own. One is a single mother who is working and finishing her education. Each one of our grandchildren has moms who work to either fully support or co-support their household. Two of our sons-in-law are working on upper-level education. Every parent had differing periods in which they could stay at home with their children before returning to school or the workplace. Although there are some common threads, each family holds a different philosophy on how they choose to love and parent their children. All the families are in completely different dynamics than my husband and I experienced in our early years of parenting. 

It is fair to say that alongside the great majority of the parents of my generation, many of whom are now becoming grandparents, one of our primary goals for our own children was that they would grow into capable adult human beings. This status for our children requires the difficult task of progressively releasing our baby birds into the wild and giving them wings to fly on their own. 

Author Amy McCready notes, “…parents have to gradually let go of controlling their children’s lives if they want to maintain a successful, healthy relationship…well into adulthood and parenthood.” 

As parents who have become grandparents and truly want the best for both our children and their little ones, it can be easy to fall back into a parenting role upon the birth of a grandchild. We may find ourselves dispensing unsolicited advice, sharing anecdotes on how we parented, and generally creating the stage for either a strained relationship or, more detrimentally, a codependent family dynamic. 

As Christ-followers, our primary responsibility when it comes to our adult children and their children is to bring glory to God while reflecting Jesus well. Starting with the biblical mindset that children are a reward and grandchildren are a crown, we do well to remind ourselves that becoming a grandparent is a gift. To walk in the honored place of having a legacy of children and grandchildren is more privilege than right, carrying with it the solemnity of serving our loved generational family well. Serving your children well as they become parents can require humility. As my pastor often notes, to live the gospel well, we may need to step back and go low, offering ourselves as humble servants to the children we had the honor of raising to adulthood.  

In his letter to the Ephesians, the apostle Paul shares a mindset for the body of Christ that can serve us well as we seek to serve and honor our children as they embark on the worthy task of parenting. 

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

Here are four ways you can step back and let your adult children embrace their role as parents. 

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