Nobody wants to be the pastor who foists himself on others when people aren’t for a visit nor the one who turns up unannounced to family gatherings when they aren’t welcome. Neither do they want to be the pastor who never visits anyone when they’re desperate for a visit and won’t go to anything despite repeated invites. Nobody wants to be the pastor who keeps arranging meetings that just make people uncomfortable. But people don’t tick the same way. We have to understand our people as individuals and then work out how to serve them best if we are going to avoid these things.
I have heard it said that, as a pastor, there are things you can miss and things you can’t. What people tend to mean is that there are certain things you will be expected to be at and other things that matter much less. Often people mean that, if you weren’t available for a party, nobody is too worried but if you miss a funeral of a longstanding member, people are going to notice. And there is lots of truth in the observation.
But I sometimes think we are a bit simplistic in how we think about these things. There are those who insist they would make sure they were at every funeral. Others who are clear to make sure they get to every major bash. On a lesser, but still important, level there are people who are keen to make sure everyone in the church gets a visit. One thing people don’t always factor in is a bit of nuance about knowing our people.
There are, of course, those who would be mortally offended if you do not attend the funeral of their close relative to support them. But there are just as many who would feel it is intruding on a family affair for you to turn up. The answer here is not to simply always go or to always stay home. The key is knowing our people and understanding who are the folks who definitely want you around and who are those who would be happier without you there.
The same goes for visitation. There are some people who can’t get enough visits. Any time the pastor it available, they would love him to pop round and have a cup of tea with them. There are others who are quite content not being visited unless and until they have a specific issue they want to discuss with you. Again, the answer lies not in always visiting or never visiting. The answer is, know your people and do what serves each of them.
Even the form of what we do with people needs a bit of nuance.