Wherever you want to lay the blame for the disintegration of male and female relationships—the industrial revolution, the sexual revolution, the tech revolution, the invention of the birth control pill, the legalization of abortion, any moment will do well enough—the point is that women have been trying to redress their grievances without facing the spiritual verities at the back of the problem, that God exists and that men are people, too. Until the whole patriarchy has been smashed—whatever is left of it—the “conversation” will persist. These agitated efforts, the background noise of modernity, reach a fever pitch when a feminist gives birth to a son.

Researchers say the United States is dealing with an “epidemic” of male loneliness. Though, as Los Angeles Times columnist Jean Guerrero notes, shocking numbers of men feel that no one “knows” them. Worse, Guerrero says the data shows that men are “less skilled than women at making friends.” This is the case despite a long effort to socialize boys. In fact, according to Guerrero, “Young men, who tend to be more progressive and are presumably more comfortable with intimacy than their elders, are … the most isolated.” How can this be?

Ruth Whippman’s BoyMom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity sheds some light on the trouble, though not, perhaps, in the way she intends. A self-proclaimed feminist with impeccable progressive credentials, Whippman analyzes her tortured feelings about being the mother of her three young boys. She is anxious for their well-being, anxious to survive their Nerf wars and aggressive wrestling, but especially anxious that they not end up as misogynist creeps who abuse women. And yet, confused as she may be, her thinking drives her toward some surprising insights.

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