Earlier this year, my family’s life changed drastically and forever.

While in New York, our son had a brain injury that put him in a medically induced coma for several weeks. This stranded the three of us in the city for a month and a half and ultimately, in three hospitals across two states for almost 150 days. 

Almost immediately, I knew either my wife or I would need to step away from our jobs and be his full-time caregiver for the foreseeable future.

I came to this conclusion because of my work over the previous three and a half years in healthcare chaplaincy, both in hospital and hospice settings. I had seen medical emergencies instantly alter the course of someone’s life and now it was happening to us.

So, I left my full-time job and for months, lived with my son in the hospital with relief days to go home once or twice a week. Now, I go to school with him for two hours daily and drive him to and from rehab therapies and medical appointments.

Because of all this, well-meaning and loving people often ask me how I am doing. Am I taking care of myself? What am I doing for myself?

These are all questions I regularly asked when I was working as a chaplain, particularly to a patient’s primary or full-time caregiver. Because it’s a difficult and exhausting job. 

There are schedules to keep, medications to provide and re-order, and a seemingly never-ending list of recovery exercises, as one of our goals for him is as much mental and physical recovery in his first year post-injury as possible.

This may sound strange, but one of the things I do for myself is work part-time as the Pastor of Operations at my church. The job gives me a creative outlet and allows me to use my energy and mental capacity on things that don’t send me into an existential crisis.

I also decided to register for two in-person conferences and a number of online educational opportunities. I love to learn! There are few things I love more than a good conference that gives me an opportunity to see friends and colleagues and learn from smart, passionate people.

Recently, I attended “Nevertheless, She Preached” (NSP) in Austin. I live just 20 minutes up the highway, so this was an easy opportunity. I love the NSP space, the people who make it happen, and those I have met over my four years of attending.

This year, though, there was a new component for me. My son still had to go to school, rehab, and get rest. 

Thankfully, we have family who live close by and many dedicated friends. I coordinated with my sister to manage his transportation and care for one whole day and a couple of other days in the week to allow me to get caught up on some work with uninterrupted time.

For the second day of the conference, I planned to miss the morning sessions and then arrive in the early afternoon when I made the switch with her, but then I started thinking, “What if I get her to meet me at the school so I can get there faster?” I typed a text and hovered my thumb over the blue send arrow.

At that moment, I thought about earlier in the day when she told me my son had been asking when I’d be home. 

One of the things his injury has taken, for the time being, is his short-term memory. He has difficulty remembering anything that wasn’t a set memory before his injury. However, over the last eight months, he has learned that I’m with him daily.

Dad is there in all the places he goes. This remains true whether he’s been there hundreds of times and is comfortable or it’s an unfamiliar and at times, intimidatingly large building, like a medical complex.

I deleted the text and decided to keep our original plan. I didn’t want to miss a moment of this conference, but I had to remind myself that I don’t get awards for doing more— something I struggled with in my working life.

Embracing a more intentional, sometimes slower, life centered around my family is more fulfilling than a busy schedule. Despite the necessary changes, prioritizing my son’s new needs has helped us redefine our values. It is more gratifying for our family to cherish moments together and I’ll always choose that.