Endurance is tested when ministering to a person with dementia. The family may listen to repetitive questions and stories. Patience is needed while the sufferer struggles to express a thought. The loved one may react with stubbornness or anger when attempts are made to protect them from danger or when a familiar routine must change. She might falsely accuse her caregiver of hiding or even stealing her belongings. Long-term patience is needed while waiting for the sad outcome. Emphasize to your counselee that the Lord is building endurance.
Editor’s Note: Our June 2024 mini-series on the BCC Grace and Truth blog addresses supporting caregiving families of dementia sufferers. In this first article, Caroline Newheiser offers three suggestions for counselees interacting with a loved one with dementia. In other contributions to the series, Beverly Moore provides encouragement and wisdom for families as they take on the role of caretaker for a loved one with dementia, and Dave Deuel considers how we can reframe soul care ministry from a church building to a home or care facility in order to faithfully minister to individuals with dementia and their caregivers.
As our population lives longer than in past generations, biblical counselors will see more cases involving dementia sufferers. Some will ask for help figuring out how to love a person with this condition. These counselees need gospel hope and help as they interact with a loved one who has dementia. Here are three suggestions.
1. Acquire Knowledge
You, the counselor, might need to educate yourself about this condition. Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are often put in the same category, but according to a Mayo Clinic article, dementia is not a disease, it is a description of symptoms. These symptoms affect a person’s “ability to perform everyday activities on their own.”[1] Alzheimer’s disease, which is a specific disease of the brain, is a subset of dementia.
Your counselees also may need to learn more. Suggest that your counselee push past their overwhelming emotions in order to seek more information. The internet has answers, classes are offered for caregivers, and support groups connect people with shared experiences. Be sure to emphasize the knowledge of God’s character. He comforts those walking through the valley of the shadow of death (Ps. 23:4).
2. Address the Counselee’s Emotions
The person who comes to you after hearing that their loved one has dementia is likely dealing with a flood of emotions. My family experienced these when my father was diagnosed with dementia.
- Grief – Lament began as soon as we heard this grim diagnosis. We had hope when my dad began taking medication to slow the disease. But the reality was that there would be no recovery of lost function. We began putting greater value on each day. My flights halfway across the United States increased as I took turns with my sister to give my mother physical, moral, and spiritual support. We began our slow farewell. The grieving process had begun. Those loved by my father realized that his daily prayers for us were diminishing and would eventually cease. We grieved this loss of connection. Some families even travel to visit their loved one, only to realize that he or she no longer recognizes them. This grief is poignant and piercing. Jesus understands this pain.