To arrest a possible breakup, you need to talk about the threat before the root of bitterness grows. Deal with it quickly. Like cancer, it must be handled as soon as it is discovered because any delay only allows the cancer to grow.
Jesus’s Prayer for the Church
Toward the end of Jesus’s life on earth, he prayed that his people may be united. His prayer was deep. He said, “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me” (John 17:20–23).
Can any words be more sublime? Yet, you only have to be a Christian for a short time before you realize that churches suffer from disunity and splits after seasons of peace as surely as valleys follow rolling hills. Often, you can see the downward spiral coming from a distance. In this article, I point out ten ways in which you can fracture the church to which you belong. Most of these ways can be caused by anyone. The last few are normally caused by church leaders. If any of these describe your actions or your attitude, may God give you grace to amend your ways for the sake of Christ who desires his people to be truly united.
1. Self-Centeredness
If you join a church primarily because of what you can get from others, you will soon be full of complaints about “lack of love” in the church. Your grumbling is because of a failure to get from the church what you want. It is as James put it, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel” (James 4:1–2). Church is a place to love others and to be loved, to give and take.
2. Impatience with Others
Christians come in all shapes and sizes, and so the church is very much like the human family. Some are hard workers while others are lazy. Some are fast learners while others never seem to grasp the most basic concepts of life. The process of sanctification takes time. If you fail to realize this, you will become impatient and grumpy. You will be complaining about the very people you are meant to exhibit Christian patience towards. That is why the apostle Paul said, “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1–3). Learn to be patient with others.
3. Importing Fights from Elsewhere
Sometimes your own church can be peaceful, but churches across town or in another country may have locked horns over an issue that is far removed from you. However, because you are connected to what is happening there through friends or relatives, you begin to agitate for a stance in your church that others see no need for. This has become common, especially with the advent of the internet. In the process, you brew a storm in a teacup and are seen as a mere troublemaker crying, “Wolf! Wolf!” where there is no wolf.
4. Unresolved Issues
Another way in which fights are imported is when you live with unresolved issues. You think that by changing churches or shutting out some people in the church you have closed that chapter of your life, but you have not. That grudge becomes like a bitter root that causes you to be toxic. Mole hills will become mountains by your opinion. People around you fail to understand your overreactions to issues in the church. The Bible warns, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Heb. 12:14–15). This root of bitterness is usually because of unresolved issues. Learn to resolve issues instead of burying them and leaving them to fester. They can be disruptive, if not deadly.