Where did things go wrong between the genders? Not with God’s original design. God’s original design for men and women was good — not just good but very good. We dare not ignore the dignity of both men and women or eliminate the differences between them, because those differences are good. We have to look at where the problem began, and that isn’t with God but with our ancient enemy the devil. He introduced sin into the world, and as we’re going to see, sin affected the relationship between men and women.
Last summer, we were camping about half an hour east of North Bay when our car broke down. It really broke down. It was almost un-drivable.
We faced three issues:
- First, the immediate issue: how to get the vehicle home.
- Second, diagnosing the problem, because you have to know what you are trying to fix.
- Third, actually getting it fixed.
We solved the first issue. It involved God answering prayer and some questionable driving decisions that turned out fine. But diagnosing the problem was a bit harder. We’re not mechanics, so we guessed wrong what the issue might be. But we’re not the only one. Our mechanic guessed wrong and ordered the wrong part, which we still ended up paying for, but in the end we got what we wanted. All three issues were solved. We got the vehicle home. We finally diagnosed the problem accurately. And we got it fixed at a price we could afford.
I’m here to tell you that the same three issues apply to our discussion of gender.
- First, we face immediate issues. These are the real issues that we face every day: questions of singleness and marriage, gender roles and differences, tensions between the genders, and other pressing issues.
- But then we face the challenge of diagnosing the problems. What’s underneath the immediate issues? This is important, because if we make the wrong diagnosis, we won’t solve the problem.
- And then we actually have to take the step of getting the issue solved.
Today, I want to focus on the second stage. I want to focus on diagnosing the problem that causes many of the issues between the genders. What’s behind all the tensions between men and women — societal issues like harassment, stereotypes, and double standards? Closer to home, what makes it so hard sometimes for men and women to get along?
We’ve got to come to an accurate diagnosis of the problem if we’re going to come up with the solution.
The Wrong Diagnosis
Here’s why I think this is so important. I think we often tend to misdiagnose the problem. We think and act as if the problem is the difference between the genders, which is why we often find ourselves trying to either erase the differences between men and women, or to devalue one gender or the other. There are few more issues that get more heated than this one. As one person points out, “Few topics have generated such heat or confusion as the 21st-century debates over sex, gender and male-female relations.”
Because we get the diagnosis wrong, we also get the cure wrong.
For instance, you’ve heard the term toxic masculinity. There is such a thing as toxic masculinity. But it would be easy to think that the problem is masculinity itself. Masculinity is good! God came up with the idea. I love what one author writes: “Men become dangerous not because their masculinity is toxic but because their humanity is … In short, the answer is not to weaken men, but to help them grow stronger.” The problem isn’t masculinity in itself; the problem is sin. If we misdiagnose the problem, we’ll misdiagnose the solution.
In other words, the problem isn’t what we think it is. Last week we saw that God’s original design for men and women is good — not just good but very good. We’ve seen looked at Genesis 1 and 2 and have seen that men and women have dignity and differences that are designed for our good and our joy:
- Men and women have dignity — Both genders are made in the image of God. They’re equal in personhood and importance, and and it takes both genders to represent God in this world.
- Men and women have differences — Eve was created both alike and different from Adam. They correspond to each other. Men and women have both similarities and profound differences, and yet those differences are meant to be a source of joy.
Many of our problems today is because we let go of one of those truths: dignity or differences. We have to hold both together. Both men and women have dignity, but men and women also have differences. If we let go of the dignity of each gender, or ignore the differences between the genders, we will go wrong.
The problem is not God’s design of men and women. That is a very good thing. If we think that erasing the differences is the solution to restoring dignity to both genders, then we’ve misdiagnosed the problem and we’ll come up with the wrong solution.
We need to hold on to the dignity of both men and women and the differences between us. The problem doesn’t lie in our differences; the problem is elsewhere.
The Real Problem
Genesis 3 tells us what the real issue is.
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (Genesis 3:1-7)
I want to make two observations.
The Problem Began with the Craftiness of Our Enemy, Not with God’s Design
You find a talking serpent. Revelation identifies the snake as “that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan” (Revelation 12:9). And what did that serpent do? He tempted the first couple to question God’s word and seize something that didn’t belong to them yet. He provoked them to distrust God and to decide for themselves what’s right and wrong. Rather than submitting to God, they try to take God’s place. As Spurgeon put it, they struck a match and set the world on fire with sin.