2. Protect Your Peace by Setting Boundaries
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Boundaries are immensely important for making sure our relationships are healthy. The idea of “setting boundaries” may seem relatively new, but we’ve been doing that since relationships began by communicating our needs and wants. In some situations, boundaries can create walls between people. For example, if you have a toxic friend who constantly takes, draining your emotional well, but never reciprocates, you may need to break off that relationship, thus setting a boundary on how you allow others to treat you. But, they don’t have to be so final, and in fact, most aren’t.
Boundaries are well-communicated expectations and restrictions for relationships and can range from physical to psychological. They often help people maintain their independence, ensure mutual respect, and effectively communicate their wants, needs, and feelings to others. An example of a physical boundary is asking people to ask permission to hug you. Not that there needs to be a reason for setting this boundary, but this is one of mine because I was once in an abusive relationship, and for a time, physical touch became associated with being controlled. For many years, I asked my friends and family to ask me before they hugged me or touched me.
Years after that abusive relationship ended, I felt its lingering effects. I remember one time, I tripped and almost fell, and my boyfriend at the time grabbed my wrist to stop me from hitting the ground. I sank to the floor in tears out of fear. Not for anything he had done, but from what I had experienced in the past. You never know why someone is setting a physical boundary, and they aren’t obligated to share the nitty gritty. You aren’t obligated to share why you are setting a boundary. But what we must do is respect others and respectfully enforce our own.
This is an important step in protecting yourself, especially as you heal.
And remember, boundaries can change. I no longer need my friends and family to ask permission to hug me. And when I felt comfortable enough to change that boundary, I clearly and openly communicated that with my loved ones.
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